happydork: The man your man could smell like (from the Old Spice ad) with the caption: Hello Ladies (Hello Ladies)
happydork ([personal profile] happydork) wrote in [community profile] oldspice_kinkmeme2010-08-03 07:49 pm
Entry tags:

SWAN DIVE! INTO THE BEST KINK MEME OF YOUR LIFE!

Look at your kink meme. Now back to this comm. Now back at your kink meme. Now back to this comm. Sadly, it isn't this comm, but if it stopped featuring other fandoms and switched to writing about The Old Spice Man, it could smell like this comm:

-- Please post each new prompt as the start of a new thread.
-- If you are filling a prompt, please post your fill as a reply to that comment and include the word "fill" in the title of your comment.
-- Please keep things civil.
-- If something needs the attention of the mods, please post a comment with the word "mods" in the title of that comment or email oldspicekinkmeme [at] gmail [dot] com.
-- I'm on a horse.


[EDIT as of 5th April 2013: The only traffic here is now spam, so anonymous comments have been turned off.]

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
Your favourite character from that fandom you love is using Lady Scented Body Wash! How will The Old Spice Man convince this character to smell like Old Spice and not a lady?

I'm in a comment.

Fill: Common Scents

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
Old Spice Man didn't know how he ended up in the U.S. Senate gym's showers. It didn't matter. Maybe today he was a senator. That seemed appropriate.

Old Spice Man also didn't know how to process what he was seeing. Yes, that was Vice President Man, a man Old Spice Man knew was made of testosterone and strong words. A man Old Spice Man was sure unironically greeted women with a hearty, "Hello, ladies," and meant it.

A man holding what appeared to be flowery, pink body wash. Lady scented. Old Spice Man reacted in horror. "Vice President Man-"

"Call me Joe," Vice President Man said.

Old Spice Man narrowed his eyes. What man didn't like titles? "Joe," he said slowly, "why are you using that Lady Scented Body Wash?"

Vice President Man looked down at his body wash and frowned. "This? It's just soap."

"But it smells...for the ladies." Even in his confusion, Old Spice Man knew he sounded suave.

At that, Vice President Man treated him to a blinding grin. "It smells like soap. 'Cause it's soap. There's nothing manly or unmanly about soap, Man."

Perhaps Vice President Man was right. There was no need to assign gender stereotypes to soap, or perpetuate potentially harmful gender binaries with shower products. Old Spice Man smelled good because he was Old Spice Man, not because his soap made him more male than men who used other soaps. "A fair point," he pronounced, "though my body wash is still superior." It was superior because it was his, and it was his because it was superior.

Vice President Man shrugged, which Old Spice Man took as a victory!. Then he swung his arm around Old Spice Man's shoulders. "If you say so. Listen, that presidential abs-point thing?" Vice President Man punched him lightly in his muscular, sculpted chest. "We really like that. Good job, Senator Old Spice Man."

Old Spice Man smiled, feeling as though he had done a good job, and all was right in his world.

The end.
staranise: A star anise floating in a cup of mint tea (Default)

Re: Fill: Common Scents

[personal profile] staranise 2010-08-04 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
AWESOME.

Re: Fill: Common Scents

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
I am in love with you, I am in love with this comment, I am in love with the true and pure friendship that would surely blossom between Vice President Man and Old Spice Man. All is happiness. All is joy.

I cannot pick a favourite line in much the same way as Old Spice Man cannot pick a favourite flexing position to show off his mighty Old Spice Man muscles.
quinfirefrorefiddle: Jamie, "Evil Genius." (Mythbusters: Evil Genius)

Re: Fill: Common Scents

[personal profile] quinfirefrorefiddle 2010-08-04 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
I love the entire universe right now.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
Old Spice Man teaches the crew of the Firefly how to (a) bake a gourmet cake, (b) build a dream kitchen, or (c) ride a horse backwards.

It's entirely possible that Jayne falls in love with him, but that's up to you. :D
toft: adam's levitation device (mythbusters_levitation)

Re: Fill: Common Scents

[personal profile] toft 2010-08-04 01:33 am (UTC)(link)
THIS IS WONDERFUL

Re: Fill: Common Scents

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
I was the OP, btw.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
The Old Spice Man meets Jamie Hyneman in a bar while Adam is there and it's obvious that they've met before, and that they have an ongoing competition about who is the most manly. Adam is confused. Then they have a threesome!

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
I WANT FIC WHERE THE OLD SPICE MAN EMERGES ONCE A GENERATION LIKE A VAMPIRE SLAYER WITH THE POWER TO BE REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD LOOKING. AND ALSO BEND REALITY AROUND HIMSELF.

Sorry for the all caps, I typed this somewhere else and didn't feel like retyping it.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
Look at me. Now look at your screen. What is that thing made of win and kittens riding ponies in a field of your favorite flowers? Kanye West and Old Spice Man in an epic battle of awesomeness and ego. I'm on a swan.

(If you are mean to Kanye puppies cry.)

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, also? Old Spice Man needs both a nemesis and a a femal counterpart and a female counterpart. And they can team up and fught cripme and be ridiculously good looking.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
The Old Spice Man has an inexplicable sex change and is suddenly the Old Spice Lady. What happens next?

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
Shawn and Gus are hired to investigate a crime involving Old Spice Man. Shawn has the obvious hots for Old Spice Man, and Gus is so jealous because, seriously, Old Spice Man?? And not Gus??? Then Old Spice Man works his magic on Gus and Gus starts wanting to do him too, and at first he gets all sneakily competitive with Shawn, but then they both admit what they're doing and decide to team up and seduce him together! Up to you whether Old Spice Man has any idea what's going on, and whether their seduction works!

Minifill: HELLO SPACE SMUGGLERS

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
Hello, Space Smugglers.

Look at your crew. Now back to me. Now back to your crew. Now back at me. Sadly, your crew isn't me. But if they stopped using generic molded protein and switched to Old Spice Delux Molded Protein, they could bake gourmet cakes like they're me.

Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're in a SPACE KITCHEN, with the man your crew could bake cakes like.

What's on your plate? Back at me. I have it. It's two bullets for that gun you love. Look again. The bullets are now DIAMONDS.

Anything is possible when your crew bakes with Old Spice Delux Molded Protein, and not generic.

I'm on a Jayne.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
ImageHello, ladies.

Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back to your man. Now back to me. I may not be a man, but I know what it's like to smell like a man, and I know what I like to smell on a man. I'll give you a hint: it's not those lady-scented body washes. No, those lady-scented body washes are for us -- at least, those of us who don't spend our days chasing down sharktopuslions from Titan or wrestling giant squids with our bare hands.

When I want a man, I want a man who smells like Old Spice. Just like this bottle I have here in my hand! Now, look! The bottle is now tickets to that thing you like. Look again! The tickets are now diamonds. Diamonds to buy you all the lady-scented body wash you want, and all the Old Spice body wash you need for your man.

And, ladies, if you don't want a man, I like long walks on the beach and swan dives off of cliffs into miraculously appearing jacuzzis. Give me a call.

I'm on a horse.
bunners: (Default)

[personal profile] bunners 2010-08-04 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
I VOTE FOR THE OLD SPICE MAN MATCHMAKING AND OFFICIATING AT GUS AND SHAWN'S WEDDING.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
Or, honestly, Shawn and Gus are hired to investigate a crime that Old Spice Man is involved in. And absolutely anything that happens after that will be golden!
bunners: (Default)

[personal profile] bunners 2010-08-04 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
THAT LAST LINE IS AWESOME.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
*dies dies dies* You totally win!! Thank you!

~original prompter

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:51 am (UTC)(link)
perhaps a diamond smuggling ring? alas, if only i could write!

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:55 am (UTC)(link)
Are You There God? It's Me, The Old Spice Man.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 03:03 am (UTC)(link)
Hello, [personal profile] happydork!

I am happy to hear that you are happy! Indeed, making people happy is the reason I do this in the first place! And it's why I believe so firmly in Old Spice body wash instead of lady-scented body wash. Firmly, indeed -- firm like the muscles of my glorious, Old Spice-scented chest.

Monocle smile.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 03:05 am (UTC)(link)
Hello, original prompter!

I do win! In fact, in my hand I have the winning lottery ticket worth millions of dollars. And it's all for you! As long as you use it to buy a lifetime supply of Old Spice body wash for your man.

Because then your man would smell like me. And don't you want that for your man?

Swan dive.

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