happydork: The man your man could smell like (from the Old Spice ad) with the caption: Hello Ladies (Hello Ladies)
happydork ([personal profile] happydork) wrote in [community profile] oldspice_kinkmeme2010-08-03 07:49 pm
Entry tags:

SWAN DIVE! INTO THE BEST KINK MEME OF YOUR LIFE!

Look at your kink meme. Now back to this comm. Now back at your kink meme. Now back to this comm. Sadly, it isn't this comm, but if it stopped featuring other fandoms and switched to writing about The Old Spice Man, it could smell like this comm:

-- Please post each new prompt as the start of a new thread.
-- If you are filling a prompt, please post your fill as a reply to that comment and include the word "fill" in the title of your comment.
-- Please keep things civil.
-- If something needs the attention of the mods, please post a comment with the word "mods" in the title of that comment or email oldspicekinkmeme [at] gmail [dot] com.
-- I'm on a horse.


[EDIT as of 5th April 2013: The only traffic here is now spam, so anonymous comments have been turned off.]

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
I WANT FIC WHERE THE OLD SPICE MAN EMERGES ONCE A GENERATION LIKE A VAMPIRE SLAYER WITH THE POWER TO BE REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD LOOKING. AND ALSO BEND REALITY AROUND HIMSELF.

Sorry for the all caps, I typed this somewhere else and didn't feel like retyping it.

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
It was a Tuesday, which meant that Old Spice Man was taking some time out from flexing his pectoral muscles to commune with the forces of nature that had made a manly man such as himself possible. He had a mission, you see. And that mission was to make the world 1000% more beautiful for a few wonderful years, until it was time for him to fly to the edge of the universe on the back of a golden unicorn. Only it wouldn't feel like years to everyone else. No, to everyone under the spell of his magnificently chiseled abs and bulging biceps, it would feel like an eternity of mind-bending awesome. Such was the power Old Spice Man had been granted, and a power like that was not to be taken lightly. It was essential he used his powers for the good of mankind.

And so the Old Spice man decided it was time to go take a stroll down the street, riding his horse backwards, giving out diamonds and manly body wash, and making all who crossed his path faint with pure delight. Fortunately, Old Spice Man was quick enough that every person who hit the ground was comforted by the delightful sensation of a crushed velvet pillow cushioning their fall. Such was the work put before him, and he would not rest until his purpose in life was complete.
paraka: A baby wearing headphones and holding a mic (Default)

[personal profile] paraka 2011-05-25 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
Hi! *waves*

[livejournal.com profile] stargate_sg1sg1 are putting together a podfic anthology of some of these kink meme responses. We were hoping to use this story. Because this is an anon kink meme, we're kind of in a weird place asking for permission to record (I'm not even sure if the author is following comments or who the author is even if I get a response). So I'm just gonna hope that the author sees this and won't mind. If the author sees this and *does* mind, please feel free to tell me (or tel me if you're ok with it!) and I'll take the story out of the anthology. I'm hoping to post it a week from now so if you let me know before then, it won't get released at all, if you let me know after, I'll remove it.

I hope you're ok with that!

Fill: A Call to Arms

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
The Old Spice Man could hear it. Not with his magnificent masculine ears, but with his equally impressive heart organ that absorbed the sentiments of those around him. Or in this case, of those just outside his self-imposed seclusion on the airwaves.

The Old Spice Man did not appear just for any reason; no, the human population had to truly desire a man who smelled like him, who was such a perfect specimen of -- well, of manliness, because to appear for any lesser reason would cause a rift in time and space and create such a stir through the female loins that --

Well. It was simply better not to appear for lesser causes.

The Old Spice Man took a shower, carefully using the manly Deck Scrubber to apply Old Spice bodywash to each and every sculpted plane of his body. He took a fresh, clean towel from the towel rack and tied it around his hips. He looked at himself in the mirror, raised one eyebrow, and said, "Hello, ladies."

The Old Spice Man was satisfied.

He did not open his bathroom door; no, such a thing was far too boorish for a man of his talents. Instead, he manipulated his bathroom with his mind, bringing it -- and himself -- through the airwaves, pushing aside tired old reality shows and half-conceived dramas, ignoring the Laws of Primetime. He ignored the insistence of reruns and drove past the censored, cut versions of movies like a man pushing past a hungry pride of lions to catch a zebra with his bare hands which he will then give triumphantly to his lady-friend with the most dramatic sunset highlighting his sculpted abdominals.

They were calling. The television audiences were calling. They needed a man on their screens to alleviate the ennui caused by bad television shows. And although it was true that scent did not diffuse through the airways and the electronic components that made up a television, he was the Old Spice Man.

Laws of Physics meant nothing in the face of such a man.

The time had come. The minds and hearts of the human populace were clamoring for a man to massage their eyes and fill their memories with his delicious implied man-scent and his not-so-implied man-abs.

The Old Spice Man did not find a break in a program; he made his own break. He simply placed himself and his bathroom in front of it and the program itself parted to accommodate his presence.

"Hello, ladies," said the Old Spice Man.

And the world was never the same again.

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 05:16 am (UTC)(link)
*dies* This is brilliant.

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 12:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Most awesome origin story ever. We are so lucky that Old Spice Man was there to answer the call!
milkshake_b: Desire: always the possesor/never a possession/everything you want/everything (desire sandman milo manara art)

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

[personal profile] milkshake_b 2010-08-13 03:46 am (UTC)(link)
Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
paraka: A baby wearing headphones and holding a mic (Default)

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

[personal profile] paraka 2011-05-25 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
Hi! *waves*

[livejournal.com profile] stargate_sg1sg1 are putting together a podfic anthology of some of these kink meme responses. We were hoping to use this story. Because this is an anon kink meme, we're kind of in a weird place asking for permission to record (I'm not even sure if the author is following comments or who the author is even if I get a response). So I'm just gonna hope that the author sees this and won't mind. If the author sees this and *does* mind, please feel free to tell me (or tel me if you're ok with it!) and I'll take the story out of the anthology. I'm hoping to post it a week from now so if you let me know before then, it won't get released at all, if you let me know after, I'll remove it.

I hope you're ok with that!

^OMG

(Anonymous) 2010-08-04 07:25 am (UTC)(link)
These are amazing and I thank you!

-OP

Fill (I know people filled this one already, but I HAD TO)

(Anonymous) 2010-08-08 10:46 am (UTC)(link)
Look at your Slayer. Now back to me. Now back to your Slayer. Now back to me!

Sadly, your Slayer isn't me. But if instead of superstrenght and a crush on a forehead brooding vampire, she was born with my ability to dazzle everybody in a close proximity, she could pretend to be like me.

Look down. Now back up. What's in your hand? It's a Scythe and the phone number to that Damon guy you like so much.

The Scythe is now a magic amulet capable of destroying all ubervamps in the Hellmouth!

Anything's possible if you pretend to be a Slayer like me.

I sparkle!

Re: Fill (I know people filled this one already, but I HAD TO)

(Anonymous) 2010-08-13 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
AMAZING! :D

Re: Fill (I know people filled this one already, but I HAD TO)

(Anonymous) 2010-08-20 03:50 pm (UTC)(link)
THIS IS AMAZING!
paraka: A baby wearing headphones and holding a mic (Default)

Re: Fill (I know people filled this one already, but I HAD TO)

[personal profile] paraka 2011-05-25 02:32 am (UTC)(link)
Hi! *waves*

[livejournal.com profile] stargate_sg1sg1 are putting together a podfic anthology of some of these kink meme responses. We were hoping to use this story. Because this is an anon kink meme, we're kind of in a weird place asking for permission to record (I'm not even sure if the author is following comments or who the author is even if I get a response). So I'm just gonna hope that the author sees this and won't mind. If the author sees this and *does* mind, please feel free to tell me (or tel me if you're ok with it!) and I'll take the story out of the anthology. I'm hoping to post it a week from now so if you let me know before then, it won't get released at all, if you let me know after, I'll remove it.

I hope you're ok with that!