SWAN DIVE! INTO THE BEST KINK MEME OF YOUR LIFE!

[happydork]

Look at your kink meme. Now back to this comm. Now back at your kink meme. Now back to this comm. Sadly, it isn't this comm, but if it stopped featuring other fandoms and switched to writing about The Old Spice Man, it could smell like this comm:

-- Please post each new prompt as the start of a new thread.
-- If you are filling a prompt, please post your fill as a reply to that comment and include the word "fill" in the title of your comment.
-- Please keep things civil.
-- If something needs the attention of the mods, please post a comment with the word "mods" in the title of that comment or email oldspicekinkmeme [at] gmail [dot] com.
-- I'm on a horse.


[EDIT as of 5th April 2013: The only traffic here is now spam, so anonymous comments have been turned off.]

Comments

Fill: A Call to Arms

[(Anonymous)]

The Old Spice Man could hear it. Not with his magnificent masculine ears, but with his equally impressive heart organ that absorbed the sentiments of those around him. Or in this case, of those just outside his self-imposed seclusion on the airwaves.

The Old Spice Man did not appear just for any reason; no, the human population had to truly desire a man who smelled like him, who was such a perfect specimen of -- well, of manliness, because to appear for any lesser reason would cause a rift in time and space and create such a stir through the female loins that --

Well. It was simply better not to appear for lesser causes.

The Old Spice Man took a shower, carefully using the manly Deck Scrubber to apply Old Spice bodywash to each and every sculpted plane of his body. He took a fresh, clean towel from the towel rack and tied it around his hips. He looked at himself in the mirror, raised one eyebrow, and said, "Hello, ladies."

The Old Spice Man was satisfied.

He did not open his bathroom door; no, such a thing was far too boorish for a man of his talents. Instead, he manipulated his bathroom with his mind, bringing it -- and himself -- through the airwaves, pushing aside tired old reality shows and half-conceived dramas, ignoring the Laws of Primetime. He ignored the insistence of reruns and drove past the censored, cut versions of movies like a man pushing past a hungry pride of lions to catch a zebra with his bare hands which he will then give triumphantly to his lady-friend with the most dramatic sunset highlighting his sculpted abdominals.

They were calling. The television audiences were calling. They needed a man on their screens to alleviate the ennui caused by bad television shows. And although it was true that scent did not diffuse through the airways and the electronic components that made up a television, he was the Old Spice Man.

Laws of Physics meant nothing in the face of such a man.

The time had come. The minds and hearts of the human populace were clamoring for a man to massage their eyes and fill their memories with his delicious implied man-scent and his not-so-implied man-abs.

The Old Spice Man did not find a break in a program; he made his own break. He simply placed himself and his bathroom in front of it and the program itself parted to accommodate his presence.

"Hello, ladies," said the Old Spice Man.

And the world was never the same again.

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

[(Anonymous)]

*dies* This is brilliant.

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

[(Anonymous)]

Most awesome origin story ever. We are so lucky that Old Spice Man was there to answer the call!

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

[milkshake_b]

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Re: Fill: A Call to Arms

[paraka]

Hi! *waves*

stargate_sg1sg1 are putting together a podfic anthology of some of these kink meme responses. We were hoping to use this story. Because this is an anon kink meme, we're kind of in a weird place asking for permission to record (I'm not even sure if the author is following comments or who the author is even if I get a response). So I'm just gonna hope that the author sees this and won't mind. If the author sees this and *does* mind, please feel free to tell me (or tel me if you're ok with it!) and I'll take the story out of the anthology. I'm hoping to post it a week from now so if you let me know before then, it won't get released at all, if you let me know after, I'll remove it.

I hope you're ok with that!